LET’S Make It Hap’n, Cap’n!

OK, so four more years for Barack Obama. I am relatively happy about it. He seems to be, in my humble opinion, a good man who believes in what he says he wants to do for this country of ours. However, he’s still got an uphill battle to fight when it comes to getting any of his legislation passed through this divided Congress. I mean, what makes us think that it won’t be status quo? Boehner is still Speaker. As far as I can tell, most Republicans still don’t like POTUS and will continue to do everything they can to make sure nothing will continue to happen with regards to the economy, healthcare (four more years could mean another go at a public option if cooler (and saner) heads prevailed); equal pay for women, equality for ALL human beings (I mean, we have THAT much in common and it’s not a little thing); universal access to an education we don’t have to go into debt to get… you know the important stuff?!

But then there’s Congress. Sure we made some historical leaps there, the 113th Congress will have at least 20 female senators, the most ever! These women include Democrats Elizabeth Warren (a DAMN good writer- check out her essay (http://bostonreview.net/BR30.5/warrentyagi.php) in the Boston Review); Tammy Baldwin, and Mazie Hirono, who all are the first female Senators from their states. Baldwin is happily the first openly gay Senator-elect, and Hirono is the first Asian-American woman in the Senate. (I did a triple blink on Hirono. The first Asian-American woman!! That’s not only a milestone for our Senate. It’s also a rarity for Asian-American woman, period.) The House of Representatives will also hold a record number of women this term, with 77 Congresswomen elected so far and several races still to be called. The current record high for the House is 73 women. Some of the new Congresswomen include Tulsi Gabbard and Tammy Duckworth. White men, for the first time ever, will no longer be the majority of the Democratic caucus in the new House (I can’t stop myself from squealing with girlish glee at this one and anyone who knows me, realizes how crazy that is).

Republicans, as we all know by now still hold the House in their small-minded, greedy, and short-sighted grips. One would think that they will have learned something from Election night 2012. That the majority of the people have made their choice for POTUS; that this majority is not too happy with the stalemate begun in the 2010 mid-term elections; that this majority is tired of the back-biting and finger-pointing and sooooo ready for some real movement toward answers to this country’s problems. One would also think that the House is made up of representatives from the states that make up this union and these states are filled with people who chose them to represent THEIR best interests and not those of the representatives. Right? I mean that’s what the House of Representatives is SUPPOSED to do, yes? Now I’m no political science prodigy or anything but I don’t think that it’s in the best interests of their constituents to continue to get nothing done so that they are prevented from having some frakkin’ pride in themselves. You know, the pride of getting up in the morning and going to work? The pride of supporting one’s self and not having to latch onto the federal teat. (That’s right. Most the “47%” want to support ourselves. I know that’s been attributed solely to Mr. Romney, but he was in a room filled with others who were laughing agreeably as he so eloquently stated what I believe many other Republicans think.) Remember, HofR? Remember YOUR job description?!

If, and it’s a BIG hope-against-hope if… IF the Republicans have learned something from Election night 2012, then logic will prevail. They’ll start thinking more about what they’re in DC to do, rather than feeling sorry for themselves and dragging their constituents backwards so that they’re forced to start sucking on that teat. Maybe more jobs will be created so that people can start working. Maybe more teachers can be hired to relieve the over-crowding that is happening in public schools and our children will get an education comparable if not better than their counterparts overseas. Maybe when people start working they’ll get up off of some money and spend it, stimulating the economy without POTUS having to institute another federal stimulus putting us deeper in debt. Maybe, just maybe some of those jobs will be manufacturing jobs and the U.S. will be known for making something other than money and war. Wouldn’t that be a kick?! However, it probably won’t happen because the House isn’t too much of an Obama fan as I said before and as long as they’ve got this vendetta… well you do the math.

Yeah. I’m relatively happy about Obama’s re-election, but he’s got to stop acquiescing and trying to make friends with the bullies in the yard. He’s got his four more years. Now it’s time to find the toughest bully in the yard and take away his power, somehow. Then the other bullies will fall in line. Then the Cap’n can make shit hap’n. (Wow. Wouldn’t that be the coolest thing?!) I know that’s a pipe dream and I don’t want Obama to change who is, but he sure needs to change his approach so his agenda (which I believe, in theory, is an agenda that’s good for this country); I mean I, for one, would love, love, LOVE it if millionaires started paying more taxes so that I could, somewhere down the line stop paying their share. Wouldn’t you? Do you think that’s even a possibility with THIS Congress? I mean it’s not like Obama’s not comin’ deep, right? Michelle and the girls and his closest advisors certainly have his back. Not to mention the 58,720,700 of us that voted for him. Strength in numbers, right?

And that’s the thing (and it’s a pretty big thing). We can’t just leave Obama hangin’ like we did in 2008. I heard people saying it and I’m sure you either heard people saying it too, or you were the ones saying it: “Ok, we got him in there. Let’s see what he can do.” Anyone see a problem with that? It’s a simple pronoun issue. It shouldn’t be “let’s see what HE can do”; it should be “let’s see what WE can do”. He’s our president, not our father. He can’t just go to work everyday and bring home the answers to our problems while we wait for things to change without doing our chores.

Fellow Obama supporters, I’m serious here. Whatever your one (or two or three or seventy-five) issue vote counted for you need to do what you can do to help him make it happen. I mean it takes no time at all to send your representative or senator a short note stating how you want them to vote on your issue(s). It takes even less time to sign a petition. Stay informed. Read news from all over and from different sources because, guess what? We will be where we were election night 2008, in four more years, with no incumbent to “fall back” on. But as an informed citizenry perhaps we can start making better decisions when it comes to choosing our leaders. Leaders that remember that they are, at the end of the day, public servants. Public servants, not corporate servants or private interest servants. That can only happen if they fear losing their jobs; and THAT can only happen if we keep an eye on them and help them, help us. Again, so not a political science guru but isn’t that the democracy thing we’re supposed to be so proud of?

I’m jus’ sayin’…

Posted in 113th U.S. Congress, economy, education, Election 2012, equality, gay, GLBT, healthcare, House of Representatives, humanity, introspection, lesbian, Mitt Romney, political science, politics, POTUS, President Obama, public service, Republicans, Senate, U.S. Congress, Uncategorized, United States, vote, women | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

There’s nothing politically correct about Halloween…nor should there be!

Halloween is and has always been my favorite holiday. It’s a chance for the “darkness” in me to come out and express itself. It’s a chance to be horrifyingly silly on a day when scaring people and silliness is allowed… or, is it?

Last year I read an article stating that it’s wrong to wear Halloween costumes of other cultures because of the possibility that anyone of that culture would be offended. First of all, dressing up as a Native American for Halloween seems pretty lame to me (no offense to my Native sisters and brothers); and, I think Native Americans have plenty of more important issues, like rampant poverty for instance, to attend to. I mean how scary or silly is that? Not very. If someone were to show up at a Halloween party as a Spanish flamenco dancer, I wouldn’t be impressed. A Spanish flamenco zombie? Now we’re talking!!

Halloween’s origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in). The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31 they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter. To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities. During the celebration, the Celts wore costumes, typically consisting of animal heads and skins, and attempted to tell each other’s fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter.

Now I will say that I am glad that no one has kept the “burning of animals” as a tradition. And can you imagine someone wearing animal heads and skins to celebrate Halloween today?! OMG, PETA would probably burn said person as a sacrifice! That said, it would be awesome to see someone dressed up as a buffalo hunter (i.e., a buffalo costume, carrying a rifle)!

See?! Halloween costumes can be witty and scary and funny, even if you’re dressed up as a rule 63 (i.e., for every character there exists one of opposite gender), beloved comic book character that happens to be in a wheelchair. I doubt if disabled people with decent senses of humor will launch a protest with placards… Occupy Halloween?!?! Puh-lease!

This Halloween I hope to see many silly, off-color, scary and original costumes trick-or-treating. If we truly want to be PC about Halloween costumes, perhaps we should expend that kind of energy protesting sparkly vampires and werewolves. Give me back the Halloweens when vampires and werewolves had fake blood dripping from their fangs and there wasn’t a sparkle in sight!


Jus’ sayin’…

Posted in All Hallow's Eve, childhood, costumes, Halloween, injustice, introspection, politically correct, politically incorrect, race, Samhain, scary, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Unrequited Dating (Or What I Miss When I Have My Head Up My A$$)

Today marks the 4th wedding anniversary (yeah it was a civil union because we don’t live in an enlightened state but SCREW IT they’re frakkin’ married in my eyes!) of two friends of mine. This led me to start thinking (which for those of you who know me is a scarily arduous and most times convoluted act) about my romantic life, or lack thereof. Being in a relationship is a lot of work for any of us who are fortunate enough to find that special some one and I applaud ANYONE who knows this and still goes through with it. However being in a LGBT relationship just adds more shyte we have to carry and get through mostly because of heteroes and their judgments, therefore LGBT couples get standing ovations for deciding to still get hitched.

I have a great many issues (well, really subscriptions because OMG! has my romantic life been a royal frak up on so many different levels that the light from frakked up would take 50 million light years to reach me!!!) when it comes to dating. One major issue (and the reason for this blog) is my rigidness when it comes to those potential dates who are out or not.

I met this woman on a LGBT online dating site, only it turned out, initially, that she was looking for a friend and not a mate. In one of the first emails she sent me she stated that she wasn’t gay, nor was she bi or even bi-curious. I absorbed this and decided to befriend her even though I was really looking for a date and not necessarily another friend.

As time went on, I found we had some things in common, though she had her own rigidness to deal with when it came to things she did or did not believe versus what I did or did not believe. But what’s the point of befriending someone who has EVERYTHING in common with you? There can’t be any growth or anything new to learn, whether or not you agree with it. Then to my great surprise, I found myself getting frustrated with her, mostly because I was falling for her and there was nowhere to go with these feelings. I then did something really stupid, mostly because my head was up my a$$. Instead of talking this out with her and both of us trying to do something (or nothing) about these feelings, I emailed her that I had to withdraw from her completely because I knew she was hetero and I was initially looking for a date and not a friend and, yadda, yadda, yadda… yeah, I told you my head was up my a$$!

THEN, a few months later she emails me that she wanted us to meet to go to an LGBT event (as what happens with some online connections we hadn’t actually met yet so this would have been our first meeting); and that she was exploring some new-found interests in her life (now all of a sudden she’s frakkin’ curious!); and she misses hearing my sexy voice and, yadda, yadda, yadda… yeah, my head is still up my a$$ at this point and it takes me a while to figure out what to say…

So here we are a month later from her email and I respond with an apology for my “I-don’t-need-another-frakkin’-friend” email and if she’s in a forgiving mood can we make up and be friends (not to mention I’m willing to help her through this curious time in her life). I should also mention at this point that I’ve also reached out to an ex-FWB (Friend With Benefits) to reconnect with her.

Now here’s my internal turmoil… Did I FINALLY respond to Ms. OK-so-I-AM-Curious and reach out to my ex-FWB because I’m lonely and this will pass? Do I still harbor feelings for Ms. OK-So-I-AM-Curious and that’s why I responded? Should I stick to my guns (and my rules about going backwards with regards to ex’s) and withdraw my reach out to my ex-FWB? Should I stick to my even larger artillery and not reach out to anyone because I’m Hep B-positive and have promised myself that I wouldn’t inflict anyone with it because it was done to me and that’s why I’m celibate; AS WELL AS not reaching out to potential dates because it could turn into something permanent and I really don’t have the time to put into a relationship because I’m busy writing and dealing with other “gems” that life is dropping in my path for me to scoop up? (Phew! Inner turmoils are frakkin’ exhausting!)

I don’t know, loyal ADauphin04 blog followers… What have I gotten myself into? Geez, even considering relationships are hard work!

This I DO know… I am lonely and would love to go on some dates. What they lead to is, well, what they lead to and I’m not going to analyze them to a slow tortuous death. I also know that these inner turmoils will turn into huge squalls that will threaten my wa (WA is, for those of you who don’t know, Japanese for harmony) and I’m damned if I’ll let that happen because wa is too difficult to come by. I also, also know that if I keep my head up my a$$ I will miss out on and possibly lose connection with some really good “friends who have potential” and will end up alone with my cat and my snake living in single (not so) blessedness. While that may be good enough for the divine Bette Davis, is it good enough for the earthly Traci Ford?

Jus’ wonderin’ …

Posted in coming out, dating, forgiveness, gay, GLBT, introspection, judging, lesbian, online dating, relationships, romance, self-forgiveness, single, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Open Letter to Lt. Gov. Jennifer Carroll

Lt. Gov. Carroll:

I would ask, as a member of the LGBT community that you refrain from making asinine comments such as: “Women who look like me don’t engage in relationships like that…”.

I’m not sure what your intent was in making that statement and I really don’t care.

What you succeeded in doing was alienating a great many of your constituents and the LGBT community as a whole.

I suggest that when asked questions by the press that you get them beforehand, so that someone in your office who is a bit more intelligent writes your answers so you don’t offend people.

And I agree with your above-mentioned statement in that you’re right in saying that women who look like you don’t engage in [homosexual] relationships. Women more beautiful than you (inside AND out) do engage in homosexual relationships and we are most grateful that you do not.

Posted in body image, coming out, equality, gay, GLBT, hate crimes, humanity, injustice, judging, lesbian, politics, women | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Look Deeper

We are a visual species. That’s why our eyes are in the front of our face. What we see has great importance to us. If we don’t see it then it doesn’t exist, nor do we believe it. It’s not just the people of Missouri. It’s the entire planet. I get that.

It’s also a problem. Just because we see something and it SEEMS alright, doesn’t mean it is. Think about it. “They looked like a happy family.” “Hey you look really healthy!” And my personal favorite: “To look good is to feel good!” -Billy Crystal (Fernando)

Yep. We are a society of people OBSESSED with the outside. The superficial. What we can see. If you’re not up on the latest trends in fashion, you look like a mess. Nevermind, your clothes are clean or your colors match. You just don’t look “hip”. And we all know that hip is it, right?

You’re overweight. I get being overweight is bad health-wise, but that’s not the first thing that comes to society’s mind. Being overweight is unsightly. Society doesn’t like overweight people. Sure, the fashion industry supplies overweight people with larger sized clothing, but it’s not to make us feel included. It’s to part us with our money. Period.

Yes, we are a visual people. What about the inside? What about what’s truly going on underneath? Don’t we care about that? Isn’t that just as, or even more important than how things look? Why can’t we be a society that looks deeper? Are we afraid of what we may find? Or is it easier to believe the superficial?

Think about it. While passing someone in the hallway or on the street we ask, “How are you?”, or “How you doin’?” Do we stop to hear the answer? Or, do we ask simply so it seems like we care (on the surface)?

I know when I’m a passenger and wool-gathering while looking out the window, I often assume that a tidy house with curb appeal must have living within it a good person or family, because beauty without means beauty within, right?

While waiting for the bus in the mornings, I’ll see people drive by in their B’mers and Infinitis and Hummers and, for a second think that their lives must be good, as I fume about the bus being 30 minutes late for the umpteenth time.

I’m always saying or posting that I am WSYISYG = What You See Is What You Get. Apparently, since I’m not fashionable, nor at my desired weight, nor do I wear “bling” or make-up…I must not care about myself, right? I must have low self-esteem, right?

Here’s a clue…stop judging “books” by their covers. Take a minute to “read” the pages; hear what they’re saying. Absorb the inside information. Then make an informed opinion about it and decide whether or not an even deeper look (which will lead to a deeper understanding) is due.

Posted in body image, criticism, eating, fashion, food, introspection, judging, Uncategorized, weight | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

So Much More Than Adam’s Rib

I was watching MISS ADVISED, a “reality” TV show that follows three 20 to 30-something single women who are in search of love (be it in the form of “Mr. Right” or simply “Mr. Right-Now”).

Then, just now I read a blog by a woman who is leaving her husband because he is an alcoholic and though she knows staying with him is detrimental to her and her children, she is lamenting (via some very intense and beautiful prose) the loss of him and the good things she misses about being with him.

I recently posted a blog “After the End of the Affair” in which I speak of the good that came in the aftermath of a toxic relationship, but an intensely loving (and lustful) relationship, nonetheless.

What is it about RR’s (Romantic Relationships) that make us long for them even after they’ve ended? What is it that makes us want to stay with someone, even when our minds tell us that they’re not good for us? Why is it we are made to feel “less than” if we’re not “with” someone?

Is this what the whole “Adam’s rib” syndrome is about? Are we destined to be a part of someone else and is that why we feel “less than” when we can’t find the right one to spend the rest of our lives with?

I, by no means, take the bible literally. I think it has some good guidelines by which I can live my life. There are also stories that ring false to me; stories that I feel are included in the bible in order to keep people (ESPECIALLY women) in line with earthly religious dogma. By that same token there are stories that have been left out of the bible, that don’t jibe with what religious leaders are trying to force down our throats, but that ring true and logical.

The story of Lilith, up to the point where she is banished from Eden because she won’t submit to Adam and turned into a demon, is one of the stories that is left out that rings true and logical to me. I don’t know why, but it feels wrong that women would be created from Adam’s rib. I think this is one of those cases where religious (mostly male) leaders slipped this in so they could subjugate women and make us feel as though we are nothing without them.

If you’re a “follower” of my blog, then you know that I am a late bloomer with regards to coming out in my 40s. So, this blog speaks not only to a heterosexual longing for “a better half” or significant other, but is inclusive of all of us who seek to find that one person with whom we can feel whole. An endeavor that is doomed to failure from the beginning because we look to someone else to complete us.

Why is it not considered “normal” to feel whole, alone? To not be considered a “good” or “normal” person because we don’t have someone with whom to travel life? Better halves? Significant others? These phrases, in and of themselves, indicate that we aren’t a part of the whole of society or considered to be a healthy and whole person if we aren’t “with someone” who is supposedly the “something” by which we can feel like whole human beings.

I am almost 47 years old and I am still unmarried. Sometimes I feel lonely; that I will never again know the contentment of having that certain someone I can turn to when I’m having a bad day, who will tell me that “it will get better” or to simply hold and caress me. Most times I am grateful that I don’t have a certain someone with whom I need to “check in” before I decide to do something or go somewhere; that I am free to be who I am, warts and all, without thinking of how it affects someone else or their public persona.

I think back to the women on MISS ADVISED and identify with and pity them. There is one woman, a “sex expert” that is content to date with no thought of moving her RRs to the “next level”. Her family and co-worker think she has some kind of commitment phobia that prevents her from finding her better half, or significant other. (As if she is INsignificant without someone else.) They make her feel as though she is less than because she isn’t searching high and low for HER mate; the “Adam” whose rib from which she was created and couldn’t possibly feel whole again without. The same thing with the blogger who laments the loss of her alcoholic husband and the good times they had together.

I want to reach out to these women and others (male and female, alike) and hold them and tell them that they are magnificent people in their own right. They don’t need another half, or an “other” to make them whole. Sure, search for someone with whom you can share your whole life! But if you’re content to be whole and alone, that’s OK, too.

Lilith was created as Adam’s equal. A person in her own right. Two whole people who were created separately to travel life’s journey together on equal footing. Neither is stronger, better or more significant than the other. This sounds healthy. This sounds right.

Jus’ sayin’ …

Posted in Adam, bible, coming out, equality, forgiveness, gay, GLBT, humanity, introspection, judging, lesbian, Lilith, relationships, religion, romance, self-forgiveness, single, Uncategorized, women | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Wait, [I’m over]Weight… Don’t Hate Me

So, last night I was watching “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” (RWHONJ) (Yes, I know… How can I watch that?!). I watch it because it’s like watching a train wreck or a car accident out of morbid curiosity. I just want to see how many times these women can take a dip in the river of DE-NIAL that is their lives. (Yes, I know…it’s scripted.)

Anywho, last night’s episode was a bit of a check in with Lauren Manzo and the success of her diet plan. Lauren and her father, Albert, are having some father/daughter time, chatting while hitting golf balls. During their conversation, there are “break-ins” where Albert has a “confessional” moment, confiding in the audience. He admits that he was relieved that Lauren was overweight during high school because she was the boys’ best friend, rather than the one the boys wanted to date; no boy wants to day overweight girls.

I get that as a father it was easier for him because he didn’t have to stand around with a “shotgun” fighting off the boys that would have potentially dated Lauren, had she been thinner.

However, what kind of message is that for a young woman to hear from her father?! I don’t know if she ever got that or heard that from him while growing up, but sh probably saw what we, the audience saw last night. I get we live in a superficial, “only-the-thin-people-get-what-they-want” society, however do we have to continually instill that in every single forthcoming generation?! When do we break the cycle that outer beauty is more important than inner beauty?

I get being overweight, from a health POV isn’t a good thing. Being overweight myself and trying to overcome my type 2 diabetes so that I’m no longer insulin-dependent; I get that there are health downfalls from being overweight. I get that there is an epidemic of obesity that exists among our children that needs to be squashed ASAP. I get it.

However, this particular episode of RHWONJ was dealing with the superficiality of dieting (Lauren wants to feel better about herself; Caroline doesn’t want Lauren to hurt anymore because of the societal stigma that you’re not pretty because you’re overweight).

I certainly wasn’t there while Caroline and Albert were raising Lauren, but if her current frame of mind and low self-esteem is any reference, they probably weren’t instilling in their daughter that life isn’t all about how you look on the outside. Inner beauty is what should matter. Don’t feed into this “I’m-skinny-so-I-must-be-a-good-person-and-deserve-all-the-perks” crap that society seems to think is what’s right. I’m guessing that if they taught Lauren that, sure she might still be overweight, but her need to diet would come from a place of “this isn’t healthy” rather than a place of “my body image sucks so in order to be happy and like myself I have to lose weight”. Lauren is beautiful on the outside, regardless of her weight; and in spite of her well-meaning parents, her inner beauty continually shines through anytime we see her on the show.

The fact that the fashion industry, specifically modeling agencies in Europe and some here in the States, are addressing the negative messages their malnourished-looking models have been giving, is a clue that society is s-l-o-w-l-y moving away from “thinner is better”. Let’s hope the entertainment industry follows suit quickly. However, society has a l-o-n-g way to go to assert the pros of inner beauty over cons of superficiality.

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