2,437 / 4 = Going Nowhere, Fast!

I know it’s been a while, but I feel as though I met vent to the precious few of you who have been generous enough to follow my blog. I hope you’re all still there…*crickets*

I have done the math and in the past 18 months I have submitted my resume for various jobs 2,437 times. (That was as of yesterday, 4/9/14). Out of those 2,437 resumes, I have had 4 interviews. Yep, 4. Not a typo.

My mounting frustration at this, is making me reach my limit. Everyone has one, you know. A limit. That’s that thing that makes us accept all kinds of shyte from people and the world around us. I don’t want to throw up my hands and accept where I am.

Don’t get me wrong. I like my job. It allows me to do a great many things that I wouldn’t be able to do otherwise. The only problem is that I’m barely surviving these days and I’m not ashamed to admit that I want more. I want to live, not simply survive. Doesn’t everyone? I mean I am TRULY grateful for being able to help provide a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs (even if it’s not the healthiest, because healthy food is incredulously more expensive than food that isn’t!); and, occasionally when absolutely necessary see a doctor. (Though I WOULD like to be able to see mine more often to help maintain my health and not when it’s an emergency because I couldn’t.)

I have submitted my resume, networked live and on social media AND, I might add, I’m no slouch. I have the experience and mental “chops” to take on a wide variety of responsibilities. I just have the audacity to be looking for a career and not simply “another job”. I have the audacity to be looking for a something that will elevate me to the ranks of the truly wealthy. You know! Those people who do what they love for a living? Yeah, them. I want to be THAT kind of “rich”! THAT is truly living!

And 2,437 tries later, I’m going nowhere INCREDIBLY fast! So, what do I do except keep doing what I’m doing?! Someone? Anyone? (Bueller?!) I want to be able to stop and smell the roses, instead of hurrying off to another job and not taking notice of the world around me. Is THAT so wrong? I certainly don’t think so. I think I have EVERY right to seek out a life, rather than simply an existence. I know the Buddhist in me says, just be. The pragmatist in me quotes Charlotte Vale in NOW VOYAGER, “Let’s not ask for the moon. We have the stars.” (The stars in this little missive being my existence.)

But the optimist in me (yes, there’s one way, way, WAY, deep down under all the crude)… The optimist in me quotes Whitman, “The untold want, by life and land ne’er granted. Now voyager, sail thou forth to seek and find.” (A quote, coincidentally, that was given to Charlotte Vale to help her to “seek and find” a life after being helped to emerge from her “prison”. Y’all should see that movie, if you haven’t. It’s pretty awesome!)

I just need the Universe to open that window, because the door behind me has been closed for a long time and the air in here is getting pretty stale. Just one window and I’ll do the rest.

I’m just like everyone else, you know, when it all comes down to it. I just want to be able to “seek and find” my spot. My niche.

Back to it then… 2,438…


About adauphin04

Humanist, feminist, writer, filmmaker. Ford is an alumni of Bloomfield College, where she majored in Media Studies/Communications and minored in English Literature. While attending Bloomfield College, as a single parent she worked full-time, was on the High Honors list, and a member of the National Honors Society. As a graduate, Ford was listed in the Who’s Who of College Students in America. She has been working at Westminster Arts Center for eight years, is an avid reader and film-goer, writes novels, graphic novels, screenplays and poetry. She is currently working on a feminist docu-drama entitled, "You're Not the Boss of Me!" She is also currently in pre-production with her first feature film "Being Free". Ford lives with her son, Jason, and their pets: Boo (a cat) and Akasha (a ball python). Ford and family are beginning a new chapter in their lives and relocating to Colorado in October 2016.
This entry was posted in career, eating, economy, education, existence, food, happiness, healthcare, healthy food, humanity, injustice, introspection, life, passion, politics, race, survival, want, wealth, women, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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